In Defense of Venting

A coaching client recently apologized to me after expressing his frustration about a situation at work. He said he was sorry that I had to listen to him vent about the problem he was facing, because he knows that my job is to help him figure out the solution to the problem. He felt sheepish for using time to express his feelings.

The first thing I did was to tell him that he rarely, if ever, would need to apologize to me about anything. I’m there to create a no-judgement zone, so apologies are not necessary (except in rare circumstances–so rare, in fact, that I haven’t yet encountered one over the four years I’ve been formally coaching).

And there is especially no need to apologize about his feelings or expressing them! As I told him, naming our feelings via venting helps us manage them and ultimately move on. It’s a perfectly good, healthy thing to do and might even help reduce our stress and not feel buried in it.

Don't get buried in your feelings. Vent!

A few other perks of venting, especially within a coaching context:

• Clarifies thoughts and behavior: Talking about our feelings can help us identify patterns, obstacles, and ways forward.

  
  

• Validation and self-understanding: If you are being heard by someone who you trust, venting can confirm your experience and reaction to it. This can also help you move forward.

  
  

• Problem solving and perspective: The whole point of coaching is to help people find alternatives or reframe situations. Letting me know what you’re feeling about your situation can help me find a way to start that reframing process.

Another client recently started a session by saying that the only thing she wanted to do in the session was to vent. She needed someone to hear all that was in her head about her very challenging boss and team structure, as well as a disappointing funding situation, and I was the person who was going to receive it.

I told her I was fine with using our hour for this purpose, but I suggested she try venting for 20 minutes, and then we could check-in to see if she wanted to pivot to future-oriented solutions. So, I’m not a total venting pushover! And, FWIW, she was done venting in 15 minutes, and we naturally moved into problem-solving mode, which she was grateful for.

As a coach, I’m generally fine with whatever my clients want to discuss and however they want to use our time together. Part of my job is to make sure, however, that my clients make progress toward their goals, which we set out at the beginning of an engagement.

Venting can be essential to that progress, so let it all out if you need to!