Climb Over the Walls in Your Brain to See What's Possible

“Oh you’re in your own world,

Let’s see the whole world.”

That’s a line from Pearl Jam’s “Save You,” a song from their album Riot Act. The song is about trying to help a friend who is struggling, and Eddie Veder (the lead singer) has talked about the song and its meaning in reference to Kurt Cobain’s drug addiction and suicide in the 1990s.

Those words resonated with me the first time I heard them, nearly 25 years ago when I first discovered the song. As someone who has bouts of anxiety and depression, these words have helped me stop the spinning that sometimes happens in my head. When I’m in an anxiety or a depression zone, it’s easy to feel as if my world is very narrow and tight–it seems like there is little room to breathe or move. It’s helpful in those moments to remember there is more than what I am perceiving.

It might sound trite–especially if you’re not someone who has struggled with anxiety or depression–but this mindset is something that I often use in coaching. Right now, more than a few of my clients are feeling that they are somehow stuck, largely because so many big, bad, and uncontrollable things are happening in the world. Some feel stuck in their current job. Some feel stuck in how they have been doing their job. Some have lost their job and don’t know what comes next or how to figure that out. Some feel stuck in their current relationship.

And in a world filled with non-stop news that can reach us 24/7, it is often hard to see beyond the screens in front of our faces and the words rattling around our heads.

Old window covered in vines, with a KEEP OUT sign posted. Provincetown, MA. May 2025.

As a coach, one of my jobs is to help people break these spells when they are in them. How I do that depends on the person and their situation, but generally it starts with me asking them questions about what an alternative story might be than the one in their head. Once they believe a different reality might exist, my next step is to help them come up with a plan to tap into it.

For example, if someone is telling me they are stuck in a job that they hate and they have no other professional options, I might respond by asking them what data they have to support this. Often their response relies more on “Well it feels like no one is hiring right now” rather than “I’ve done an exhaustive search and no one is hiring right now.” We talk through the differences between those two responses, and then think through a plan for them to develop some data on what is happening in terms of hiring in their field and for their role.

And even if they find that there isn’t much hiring happening, they’ve taken a step outside of themselves and inevitably think of a few people in their network who they can contact and talk to about what might be possible.

My goal with this work isn’t to instantly help people find a job, but to see–to believe–that there is more possible than what they might be telling themselves. If we don’t have that hope, it’s hard to move toward what we need and want to do.

So, thank you Pearl Jam! And, as a side note, my musical tastes are a bit atypical for a white American gay man of a certain age (most musicals and show tunes are not for me, I’m sorry to report!). But I do know what I like, and I will respect your musical choices (unless they involve Hootie and the Blowfish or Ye).